WHAT DO MEN REALLY WANT?

Need is a necessity while want is a desire. When a male tells a female that he wants her, it simply means that he desires what she can give to him emotionally and physically but when he says that he needs her, it means that he cannot live or exist without her.

Now that we have established my definition of the difference between the two, you will now understand that the title of this article is not by error but intent to try and explain from my own perspective the many wants of the different types of men that I have come across.

I used to think that the most important desire of a man in its basic and primal expression is sex. That was until 5minutes ago when my cousin Okechukwu opined that it’s not sex but money that men want the most. The order of preference and importance differs according to the different men that exist out there but I’m just here to give my own opinions according to the experiences that I have had with different men in the span of my life.

It is impractical to try and generalize the preference or desire of all men into the same classification so I will use different men who I feel should sufficiently encompass what I think men want. Meet Seth, Mason, Luke, Cyril and Barry.

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Seth – Seth is a 27 year old young Nigerian who lives in Abuja, Nigeria. His greatest desire is to have money; lots of money because he feels that if he is a wealthy man he can have his choice of women who will fulfill all his sexual fantasies in his youth. He intends to marry a wife who is kinky and adventurous enough to have a hidden tattoo on her back, smoke pot with him in private, cook awesome meals occasionally, and be open to all types of sexual positions and wiling to strip tease for him when the need arises. In order words Seth wants a wife who will give him plenty of orgasmic sex in the course of their marriage and be open enough to keep things fresh. Seth represents a fraction of the youth of the 21^st century who don’t need a traditional wife that can cook, clean and have sex in only the missionary style while being submissive all the time. Good food is good food to Seth no matter who is doing the cooking. He just wants a luxurious life, a gorgeous wife who will let him brag when he gets a promotion, hold him in her bosom when he has a bad day at work and give him a bit of normalcy when he needs it.

Seth is money, sex, companionship and love is just an option to him.

Mason – Mason is a 28 year old Nigerian who works for a blue chip construction company. He only sees money as a means to an end. What Mason wants above all else is love and companionship. Mason is the type of man who listens to his woman and treats her like a golden egg all the time. He is ready to wait for sex with her until after they are wedded in the church if that’s what makes her happy. Mason is the type of man whose desire is simple; to love and be loved. He doesn’t care if he is going to be having sex once a week for the rest of his life in missionary style; he doesn’t care if his wife is uncomfortable with role–playing during sex. All he wants is what makes her happy. Mason works hard so that he can provide his wife with the finest things of life. Sometimes he looks at other women and at other times he stares too long but at the end of each day by 6pm, he is home with his wife.

Mason is love, companionship, faithfulness and money.

Luke – Luke is a 64 year old Nigerian who married a woman that was picked out for him by his parents. He is at the top of the ladder in his career and has made all the money he could ever want in this lifetime but that doesn’t stop him from lusting for more. Luke is dissatisfied with his marriage because he and his wife stopped having sex 15 years ago after their last son was born. He doesn’t mind though. He provides for his wife’s needs by making sure she has enough money in her account, a small staff of workers at her call and Luke is home every weekend from Friday to Sunday. From Monday to Friday after working hours, Luke tries to recreate the youth he never had. He has his protégé recruit the finest young girls for him 3 nights a week according to the fantasy of the day. Sometimes he wants a big, busty woman, sometimes it’s a young girl with a Nicki Minaj type buttocks and at other times he wants a skinny beauty who can go 5 rounds of sex without breaking a sweat. There are nights where he goes to an expensive and private club to watch girls strip, or he hangs out with his friends to watch a football match and talk till late into the night. For five nights a week, Luke is not a husband but a power, drunken sex maverick that can do as he pleases and on the weekends he catches up with his family and plays the role of dutiful husband.

Luke is lust, sex, money, adventure and power.

Cyril – Cyril is a 53 year old Nigerian who is old fashioned in his ideology. For Cyril, family is the most important thing in life. His income from his private business can hardly keep his family together, so sometimes he lashes out at his wife; he demeans her and hits her when he drinks too much but the next morning he loves her again. Cyril wants money. For him money will ease his frustrations. He doesn’t cheat, doesn’t look at other women, he is faithful and loyal and believes that sex should only be for the purpose of pro-creation and is happiest at the end of the day when he is counting the profit from sales at the end of each day.

Cyril is money and faithful.

Barry – Barry is a 35 year old banker who thinks the term fidelity is over-rated. He loves money and sex and he always wants to have both. He got married at the get of 30 years so that his parents could get off his back but he has no plans to slow down on the sex. His wife comes home tired from work most days so she can only summon enough energy to have sex 2 times a week. Anytime Barry is on an assignment that takes him out of state he makes sure to indulge in his sexual desire for as long as he can. Barry feels no remorse for his actions because he believes that as long as he can provide for his family and he is emotionally available for his wife when she needs him, all is as it should be in his life.

Barry is money, sex and lust.

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From the different analogies above you can all see that what stands out the most for most men is money and sex in that order of desire. Love is good but most times love is not able to maintain the spark in a relationship. Keeping a partner happy in a relationship is like fighting a marathon lifetime battle. Women always have to change tactics, open up to new ideas, keep things fresh, look sexy and find a way to maintain an interest in the likes of your partner.

Some men cheat simply because they want to but for most men their wives simply stopped trying or changed from the women they married in the first place.

A man wants to wake up in the morning and feel a warm body next to him, he wants to smile and remember that yesterday was a good day because he got to share it with his partner and conclude it with amazing sex that wore him out. When he comes home at the end of the day, he doesn’t want to see a shabbily dressed woman nagging his ear off about something he hasn’t done or should do, he wants to eat good food and talk to a friend who should be his partner.

For couples in Nigeria, when they start dating, it’s all new; the sex is mind blowing, the lady is pulling all stops to always look fresh and hot! There is a feeling of undiscovered need that keeps both parties intrigued. Fast forward to a few years after, especially for married couples, the women have stopped trying, the sex is basic and almost routine like and the wives have become so familiar with their husband’s presence that they no longer feel the need to try to impress or look good for their partner, especially after a few kids in the picture. They let their bodies sag, stop working out, gain outrageous weight, stop dressing sexy, ditch the Brazilian hair and Marc Jacob heels or the sexy La Perla underwear and most dangerously of all, they take their partners sexual needs for granted. Men marry an image; they can adjust to changes in the image because they are realistic to know that human images can’t stay the same but they refuse to accept when the image pulls a 360 on them and disappears! Women need to find ways to keep their men interested. Find out what he likes, what makes him passionate about life, develop an interest and that can be another special connection. How awesome would it be if couples could watch and talk about a football game together! Most men wouldn’t need to go out and see a game if they could watch the game at home instead of dragging the tv remote with their partners who wants to watch or a telenovela or Entertainment TV. It is possible to be with the same man for decades and still have amazing sex or talk like you just met yesterday.

What is wrong with googling sex and finding new ways to pleasure your partner and add spice to your marriage! If it gives you both pleasure at the end of each day wouldn’t you rather do that than loose him to an unknown woman who is enjoying the fruits of your labour on the sides because she has no scruples about fulfilling your partners’ desires.

Most men are soft babies. They need someone they can talk to about their day, not just someone who sits there and nods her head but someone who actually understands what he is talking about. They need a partner who knows when to nag and when to keep it in till the next day. Someone who puts an effort when she dresses up 10 years after their marriage and still looks hot in a dress.

Men are simple and uncomplicated; love them, pleasure them, talk to them, show an interest in what they love and give them space when they need to roam and they will always find their way right back to you. Though I have to say there are some exceptions who defy every law of logic and whose actions are inexplicably simply stupid!

 I don't have all the answers, heck what do i know about relationships.... I'm not saying men are perfect or blameless am just saying we have to try harder.