Lessons
of my life: Today I learnt a lesson in this world the hard way, to be solely
independent, to never trust, believe, hope or have faith in anyone.
27\11\04
I
was 14 years old, but life was already teaching me lessons the hard way, I
remember feeling alone, unsure of myself, let down and empty. My only real
friend was not in same class with me anymore, she was hanging out with the
science kids, I did not want new friends because they did not get me, I had no
one to talk to, my sister was a senior and would not have understood because
she had her own problems to deal with. So I made mistakes, I made mistakes
every day, I learnt lessons the hard way, it was so bad that the only friends I
had were not even human beings. I took comfort from gazing at the stars
counting them, monitoring the moon to see when it would be a full moon because
I had a fascination with the moon. I didn’t fit in until I was in SS2 third term.
Friends
are important, they bring spice to life, and they knock you up five times a
week and mend you once a week. Friends are people we know and trust, and who
are special to us socially and emotionally. It is a relationship between two
people who hold mutual affection for each other.
I
remember my first friend Blessing, she probably didn’t consider me one but I
did; Blessing introduced me to the world of Disney books at a time in my life
in 1997 when I was hungry for books. The first book she gave me was Rapunzel; I
remember the hard back feel of the book with the soft touch of foam beneath its
hardness. I remember the cover coloured red that showed Rapunzel looking down
with eyes shining hope on her prince charming, I held that book in my hands and
I would have cried with excitement because Rapunzel gave me the chance to
escape reality, it gave me the opportunity to dream of happily ever after, it
helped me believe that there is a way out of the life I was currently living
and it gave me the faith to wait for a non-existent gentleman who would come
and sweep me off my feet, change my life and wrap me in his cloak of love. My
life was bliss!
Paul
was the first person I connected with as a friend; I was 8 years old when I met
him; he had just moved with his parents to our neighborhood and his younger
brother went to my school. He wanted to be friends with me from the moment he
met me. He accepted me for who I was, loved me the way he met me, demanded
nothing and he gave all and tried every day to make sure I felt treasured,
loved and happy. I am a tomboy, have always been a tomboy so it was hard to
relate with girls because I did not play ten-ten, build sand castles, dress
dolls, etc. I was more interested in playing street soccer, watching sports on
NTA on Saturday afternoon, playing basketball during PHE in school, swinging my
hands with table-tennis with kids from the streets. Paul did not care, he
always came around to team up with me, even if he was awful and all the kids
would make fun of him, he didn’t mind as long as he was in my corner. Paul used
to steal money from his mum to buy suya, doughnuts, Fanta and other goodies for
me. All the other kids in block rosary would look at me with envy because I was
always first choice when we went out to get goodies. Paul gave me all the
foundation knowledge I have about computers, he taught me to appreciate and
value technology, he helped me to acquire a computer when cash was hard, he was
there for me every time I needed him and he always listened, it never mattered
what I wanted to talk about, he always listened. My mum tolerated him, my dad
looked at him with apprehension, but they knew there was little they could do
because I would raise hell if they had told me I could not see him. There was
no pressure, no demands, no desire, no expectations; we were just two kids who
wanted to hang out, gist, play, eat and have fun when we could.
My
first friend in secondary school was Nkechi; It is till date the most
interesting friendship I have ever had because she annoyed me so much, I loved
her and fought with her all the time. She kept me on my toes, she pushed me
when I needed it, she called me on my crap when I was going the wrong way, she
supported me when she felt I had the right ideas and looked out for me whenever
she could for the three years we were in Junior Secondary School. True friends
prove their mettle in the moment when you find yourself in need and Nkechi was
no different. She was there for me when I got sick with blood infection in
2003, she borrowed me and my sister the money we would need to go home and she
cared for me when I couldn’t lift my feet off the ground to do a single thing.
My mum was touched, was dad was surprised that there were stil people like her
in the world, I felt blessed to have a friend who was a rock and a foundation
for me every time I needed her.
Friendship is a feeling of love and affection of one person
for another. This feeling of love must be reciprocated. Otherwise friendship
cannot be possible. Friendship does not exist where tastes, feelings and
sentiments are not similar. Friendship is the one relationship that nullifies
all boundaries, it is love that is selfless and generous and it is a relationship
of sacrifice and love between two people who are bound together by a connection
that has been cemented over time. It is a bond that never breaks no matter how
far time flies or how long the distance, the bond is never broken. True friends
love you the way you are, accept you with all your limitations, tolerate your
shortcomings and anchor you when you need wings to fly.
I had a friend like that in 2005 when I was 15 years old, her
name is Tosin; she was the assistant head girl at the time. She is beautiful,
humble, intelligent and a Christian who wanted to serve God with every breath
she took. I was at the bottom of the social hierarchy, a lonely girl with no
cool qualities while she was at the top by virtue of position. She did not
care; she accepted me and asked that I did the sane for her, she nurtured me
back to God and I cannot forget all the hours we spent picking each other’s
brain, we talked about everything; sports, religion, politics, current affairs,
school gossip, etc. We needed each other and we loved without question. She
redefined the term ‘leading by example’ for me and I always felt encouraged to
be a better person like she was. I remember the day she left, how scared I was
that she would forget me with ease. I was worried my life would go back to
being lonely again, I feared for the balance of my spiritual life which she had
helped me re-establish. She had so much faith in me, we communicated for a
longtime after she and I kept some of her letters so I could read them over and
over again. My Christian life was strong, I had few friends, but I had made one
real friend.
2012, is the first time in my life when I have, not one but
several loving friends at once.
Ann, my first real friend in Abuja, we fight, we quarrel but
I love her unconditionally and I know that I will never lose her.
Kike; someone I was afraid to talk to in secondary school but
have become a sister to me this year. We share so much in common; she is
beautiful inside-out and has stayed grounded through everything in life.
Modesta; the girl I met through my cousin on the 2go network
two years ago, the first person I told everything about my life to and loved
with me without judgment, for that I am always thankful.
Ruth; the confusing, intense, gorgeous, sexy girl who makes
me and Okechukwu pancakes whenever we need it, talks to me when I feel alone
and answers me every time I need her.
Mildred; the crazy diva who has helped me understand that a
book truly should not be judged by its cover. I didn’t give Mildred a chance,
but she proved me wrong every step of the way, she encouraged me when I wanted
to start my blog. She shared ideas with me I thought would be impossible for
her and she has opened my mind to see past her physical attributes to the
brilliant intellect that lies within.
Chogu; my hot, catholic, dark skinned, slim Tiwa Savage look
alike with ambitions that always make my heart soar; she showed me that friends
are not picked but earned and she let me in on her world of ideas which has
made me believe that limitations do not exist on what we can achieve when the
will power exists.
Tomi, the beautiful face with the soulful eyes and an old
soul; a true friend who has become a solid rock, she helped me understand that
friendships can be found in places that we do not expect to find them.
Amina, I have few words for you; beautiful, humble, generous,
a real gift to me, a rock and a true friend, I am humbled by all she has done
for me and I am always thankful to her for opening her arms of love to me.
Osinachi, who taught me that purity exists in insecurity and
imperfections, when I feel like this world is too evil, I look to her because
her naivety, pure love and lack of guile is need in a world where anchors are
far to reach.
Stanley, my only male friend in Abuja, I treasure him because
I can talk to him about literally anything on God’s green earth. He treats me
like a beer buddy and that is a relationship I value! Because the world’s
greatest secrets are shared either on a bed or when friends gather round to
drink.
Nicholas, the guy who gave me a better insight to male
sexuality, female anatomy and exposed me to more sex education than I thought
necessary.
I love you all so much more than I ever tell you.
In this life all I look for is acceptance, love and
companionship. I find that with you and I am blessed and grateful to have you
in my life.
A true friend is someone who sticks by you when you are down,
fights for you till you get up, rejoices with you when you are feeling like you
are not good enough and gives you a pep talk when you need it. Friendship is a
relationship of commitment that requires sacrifices from both ends. Friendships
do not work when one person does all the receiving and the other person is the
user.
There are many yellow snow friends out there; they are your
friends when you can serve a purpose to them and leave you hanging once they
get what they want.
True friends today are hard to find, so the few I have, I
value with my life, protect with my heart, trust with my soul and appreciate every
day. As Anais Nin rightfully puts it, “Each friend represents a world in us, a
world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that
a new world is born”.
Remember me my friends, because sometimes you are all I rely
on. You are my rock, my anchor, my love, my shield.
Life may separate us, marriage might push us far, but do not
forget this day, remember all we shared and the bond in our hearts. I am
humbled to have all of you in my life and I promise you that even if I don’t
call or talk to you live I should, I love you every day and you will always
live in my heart.